Fix Yourself

Photo by Milivoj Kuhar on Unsplash

I can’t fix this.

What am I supposed do?

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

I had it under control.

If I had only listened,

Or tried harder,

Or been better,

Maybe things would be different.

But I failed.

And if I failed once, I can do it again.

Maybe if I do my very best,

Things might turn out differently.

Or they might not.

My best still failed.

If I could just fix myself,

I could make my life better.

If I could fix myself,

I wouldn’t have so many problems.

If I could fix myself,

Other people would like me more.

If I could fix myself,

I would stop failing.

But why is it that every time I try

To fix myself

I fail at that too?

What’s wrong with me?

I have been trying to fix myself and make myself better. But working to change myself, doesn’t work. I don’t have enough strength to carry on with my crazy life and change hard habits. I don’t have enough time to process all the why’s, the reasons I am the way that I am. I don’t have enough energy to change the way I see myself and others. And the list goes on and on.

But what if I didn’t have to be the one doing the changing?

While I was trying to do the work of changing myself, by my own strength, my own will, my own time, my Designer wanted to do the remodeling for me.

He wanted to pull out and discard all the garbage and junk littering my heart home and give me something better.

He wanted to clear out and clean up the hoarded piles and replace them with the freedom of space and openness and vulnerability with Him.

He wanted to refurbish my home and come to live within me, not just visit from time to time.

He wanted all these beautiful plans for me, but I wanted to do it all myself.

But when I finally stop trying to be the strong one, the one with all the answers, the one doing all the fixing all by herself, things actually start to change.

I am not meant to fix myself all by myself.

I am meant to let God work, fill, remodel, and restore my heart so I can be closer to Him.

This process of restoring my heart to the place of dependance on God, is where I was always meant to live.

There is a partnership as God does the work in me and I trust in Him to do good and perfect things in and through me.

And as His work is being done, there should be physical ramifications of the heart change.

Things in your life simply can’t stay the same.

And when God is truly working and transforming you, you don’t want to stay the same.

Your habits and the way you spend your time begin to transform as you do. This process of sanctification can be challenging and comforting. The stretching can feel like more than you can handle, and you worry you might break in half.

But it will be worth it.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. -Eziekiel 36:26

The process of removing the old and restoring the new is difficult. Even if the remodeling begins with pounding sledgehammers instead of unbolting screws, it will take time.

You can’t rush healing.

But then the new hardwood is unloaded, and the drywall is installed. The fresh paint is rolled out and the dust and debris are cleared away.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

-Psalm 51:10

God can make all things new. Nothing is too broken, too busted, too lost for Him to restore.

Max Lucado writes in his book Just Like Jesus:

“God loves you just the way you are, but refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus…If you think his love for you would be stronger if your faith were, you are wrong. If you think his love would be deeper if your thoughts were, wrong again. Don’t confuse God’s love with the love of people. The love of people often increases with performance and decreases with mistakes. Not so with God’s love. He loves you right where you are.”

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

-Ephesians 4:22-24

In the introduction to Just Like Jesus, Lucado writes,

“God loves to decorate. God has to decorate. Let Him live long enough in your heart, and that heart will begin to change. Portraits of hurt will be replaced by landscapes of grace. Walls of anger will be demolished and shaky foundations restored.”

We cannot remake ourselves. Instead, we need to rely on our Designer and Creator to restore us and fill us. Jesus is sanctifying us, making us new. He is doing what we could never do ourselves.

“No doubt about it: God has ambitious plans for us. The same one who saved your soul longs to remake your heart.”

-Max Lucado (Just Like Jesus)